The Self

  I spend quite a bit of free time just thinking.  Thinking about my past, my present, and my future.  People always tell me that "what is in the past in done, you cannot change it," and while I see that as true, I do not think you should leave the past alone.  It is my firm belief that you have to reflect back on your past, and re-write any wrongs that occurred.  I will discuss what I mean by this by reflecting on my own life.
  For a long time I just left my past alone.  I did not let it bother me, and I just continued about on my life as if nothing changed.  Then it hit me.  How am I to proceed with my future life if my past is incomplete?  By this I mean that our lives build off of themselves.  I see the past as a foundation on which a future is built.  The further I look into the future, the further I must delve into the past.  Years and years of letting stuff slide is taking its toll.  I left bits and pieces of myself behind that I now must bring to God and seek his help in reattaching it.  This process is taking a lot out of me.  Every wrong that I must right forces me to take a blow to something none of us like hurting, our pride.  My pride takes beating after beating as I must man up and tell people I was wrong, I am sorry.  It is not a pleasant process, but one I must accomplish if my future is to have a strong foundation.  The problem I am running into is that some people are too stubborn to accept my apology.  I hurt some of them extremely, and its these situations that really tear me to shreds.  Its through this that I make a link to confession.
  What is confession but going to an old friend you have wronged and telling them what you did wrong? The friend knows what you did wrong, but they still want to hear you admit it to them.  I struggle with confession in the same way as I struggle with manning up to the people in my past.  I do not want to admit that the actions that I took were incorrect.  I hate admitting I was wrong, I love to be right.  But, a greater joy is receiving the forgiveness.  There is no better feeling than the friend telling you it is alright you are forgiven.  The biggest difference I see is that forgiveness from God is much easier than your earthly friends.  I do not understand why we are so slow to forgive people as humans.  We are all as equally flawed as the next, yet, when we are the the ones wronged, we hold grudges and do not let them go.  It is not fair to either person that the grudge is held.  Lately I have been putting myself on the line for some people, and they just push me away.  It is discouraging, but through Christ who strengthens me I shall persevere.  Every loss is a gain.  As long as I remain humble through this process, than I expect what should happen to happen.  My challenge for you readers is to be more forgiving.  If someone comes to you asking for forgiveness or explaining their wrongs, tell them everything will be okay.  Thank them for being sincere.  Try not to hold pointless grudges, without these, would the world not be a better place?